Fandom: MCU
Pairing: Sam Wilson x female
Characters scattered around: Shang-Chi, Matt Murdock, Sarah Wilson, AJ Wilson, Cass Wilson
Words total: 6178

Summary: After a long and difficult mission where you missed Halloween, Thanksgiving and the start of Advent, you’re finally home with Sam. Catching up on lost time together, you end up using your safeword. Trying to move on with Christmas preparations and traditions, it’s not all merry.

Important note: Keep in mind that I haven’t watched Thor: Love and Tunder or anything that has come out since then, because of reasons.

Note: The fourth year I do this for @iguess-theyre-mymess now. I love having this tradition for her! I had great ambitions of being nearly done by the start of December, but November got away from me this year. And not just in this regard, so many other preparations I was supposed to do in November, but as far as I know, we jumped from October 31st to December 1st.

Exhaustion was real. The flight home had never felt so long, even if I had flown this distance many times before. The team was quiet, sitting in their own thoughts. I glanced around quickly.

Matt was sitting all the way at back, near the ramp, head leaning back against a parachute hanging on the wall. His eyes were open, but he could very well be sleeping for all I knew.

Shang-Chi sat in the pilot's chair, elbow on the armrest and his head in his hand, staring out at the dark night sky. The nose of the jet cleaving through the thick fog like an icebreaker.

Both the men looked dishevelled, grimy and done with the world. I was sure I looked just as battered and bruised. Neither of us had been near a mirror, or even enough water to do anything with ourselves, for what felt like weeks.

At this point, I didn't even know how long it had been since we set out. All I knew was that I had missed Halloween, Thanksgiving and the start of advent. Missing Halloween wasn't a big loss for me, I had seen enough horror and jump scares in my job to last fourteen lifetimes. Missing Thanksgiving made my heart ache. Sarah always had us over for a dinner that had us rolling instead of walking home.

But the start of advent... That was my time with AJ and Cass. Had been for... what was it? Six years now? Seven? Since before Sam asked me out for the first time at least, when we were just friends.

Time felt strange right now. I didn't know what day or time it was. The view outside the Quinjet had been the same for hours and Shang-Chi's back was blocking the flight instruments. Could be noon at midsummer, could be midnight New Year's Eve.

"Try to rest." Matt said suddenly. Both Shang-Chi and I looked towards him. He was still in the same position, eyes open and facing ahead of him. But he cocked his head slightly in my direction and raised one bruised hand to pointed at his ear. "I can hear you fidgeting. Your heartrate is increasing. Breathe. And try to rest. Please."

I huffed with annoyance.

"We're just half an hour out," Shang-Chi announced, his head falling back against the headrest, blowing a raspberry.

"Medical check-up, debriefing..." I mumbled. "Rest. Right." Technically, that meant we were at least three hours out. I just wanted to go home and feel Sam's arms around me again.

Time never moves as slowly as when you need it to go fast, when you're waiting for something good. Every second feels like a day, every minute like a long, hard year. The medical check-up went smoothly, whatever scratches or bruises I had was nothing I hadn't had much worse of before. Last mission I had come back with a sprained ankle, and the one before that I had dislocated my shoulder and sprained the wrist on the same arm.

Debriefing was usually a tedious and insufferable affair, and this time was no different. And because the mission had been so long, full of twists and turns, this debriefing was one of the worst I had been through. We weren't supposed to have been out this long, but so many things had gone wrong, and I had had to take charge and make a lot of difficult decisions. In the end we got the outcome we wanted, but I just wanted to forget everything up until then and move on.

After the debrief, Matt snuck off as he was just the hired help – in his own words. Shang-Chi offered to give me a ride home, but I politely refused, seeing the exhaustion I felt reflected in his eyes. I hadn't seen his goofy side for days and told him to just go home and sleep, he was going home to San Fransisco after all and had a long way to travel.

Stepping out of the building and into the cold December night, I considered hailing a taxi, but now that I was so close to being home, would finally see Sam again... Kiss him and smell him and nuzzle him. I wanted to take my time going home.

I pulled my jacket tighter around me and up towards my chin to shield me from the cold as I started walking, hiking my shoulders up. It was close to midnight and the streets of the capitol were quiet. But some bars and late open stores still had muffled Christmas music coming from inside. Most of the people were inside with the music, in the cozy warmth. Laughing and singing and seeming to sparkle in the bright lights inside. It was a very clear contrast to how the last few weeks had been.

I needed this. I needed this time walking home to readjust and acclimatize. Breathe and process after the debrief.

For years, S.H.I.E.L.D. had been working on finding a pair of Inhumans who were running a human trafficking ring and when there had finally been a good solid lead, Shang-Chi, Matt and I had been sent out to bring them in. These two Inhumans were exceptionally good at keeping under the radar and we had tracked them from Canada to Europe to Asia, back to Europe, then Greenland to South America where we finally caught them. An extraction team came in to handle them, another team to deal with the humans in their so-called care, and then Shang-Chi, Matt and I could go home.

It was everything that happened from our second round through Europe that had made this one of the worst missions I'd been on in a long time.

We'd come across so many helpless people in tragic circumstances, not to mention other Inhumans and mutants that had been manipulated into being afraid of their powers. And when we started seeing signs of sex trafficking and prostitution in the nests we found... It got to me.

Home wasn't far from headquarters, at least this home. We had our place in Delacroix too, but D.C. was our ground zero. Soon, I saw our building and suddenly I was in a rush. Sam was in there.

I ran the last few metres, fumbled with the keys. Didn't have time to wait for the elevator and my exhaustion was suddenly gone as I ran up four flights of stairs. Kept missing the lock with the keys on our door as well, because my hands were shaking, and I didn't want to wake him up. As quietly and quickly as I could, I slipped through the finally open door and was slipping off my jacket when Sam suddenly stood in the doorway.

"Babe! You're home!"

Before I had the chance to do anything more than blink, his arms were around me and it felt like I was melting.

"Did I wake you?" I asked breathlessly against his shoulder.

"No, I was reading through some case files for a mission next year." One of his hands were in my hair and the other on my lower back, pressing me to him. He breathed me in, and I tried not to cringe. I had showered at headquarters, but it felt like I needed to be bleached ten times to get the stink out. Sam pulled away slightly and looked at me, brown eyes full of love. "I thought you wouldn't be home for a few more hours. I wanted to stay awake for you," he whispered, hand on my cheek.

"The flight home seemed to never end," I chuckled and leaned into him again.

He wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly. "I heard it was a rough one?" he spoke quietly near my ear.

I hummed in agreement, but didn't elaborate on it. Instead, the nearness of him, the warmth of him, the feel of his breath against my ear, it was energizing me. I pressed myself into him, craving more of him.

"Babe?"

"I need you, Samuel." I raised up on my toes to press a kiss on his neck, on that spot that always made him putty in my hands.

A shiver went through him, but he didn't melt. "Shouldn't you rest?"

I kept kissing that spot, tongue darting out to taste him. Sweet, a little salty. "I need you," I repeated, lips moving against his skin. "Just... Brain off."

Brain off was our keyword for needing to submit completely to the other. And now I needed to turn my brain off, let Sam be in control so I could be present in the sensations and forget everything else.

I tickled the hairs at the nape of his neck, nibbling his earlobe. "Brain off. Feel you. Only you."

He seemed to understand. The hand resting on my back grabbed a hold of my sweater and he turned his face to meet my lips. Judging by the enthusiasm of that kiss and how quickly I felt him awaken between us, he needed this just as much as me.

Suddenly, Sam reached down, grabbed my thighs and hoisted me up. I wrapped my legs around him, his cock pressing against my core and I let out a whine. Without breaking the kiss, Sam navigated us into the bedroom. He kicked the door shut and quickly moved to bed, leaning down and laying me down gently.

He broke the kiss for a few moments, leaned on his elbow and just looked at me. His other hand rested on my cheek, thumb sliding over my bottom lip. "Beautiful," he whispered.

My stomach swooped at the emotion in his voice, even if I didn't feel remotely beautiful right now. Before I had time to examine that feeling, his lips were on mine again, tongue darting out to taste and probe. I let him in, and he ground his hips against mine at the same time and the double sensation had my brain go static for a moment.

Nearly two months celibate and I was sensitive. Sam at least had had the opportunity to get himself off any time he wanted. I had been stuck in close quarters with Matt and Shang-Chi, spending nights in questionable motels on grimy beds.

Sam pulled away and my back lifted off the bed trying to follow his lips. He chuckled in that dark, warm way that reminded me of gooey caramel. "Patience, babygirl."

"Sam..."

He winked and went to our closet, pulling out four of his ties, then stood at the foot of the bed. "Can you undress for me, pretty girl?"

Obedient as always for him, I reached down and tugged my jeans and underwear down, wriggling them past my hips, then kicking my legs to get them and the socks off. I sat up on my knees and looked him straight in the eyes while I pulled my sweater up. The intensity of his gaze made my face heat. When I reached behind my back to unclasp my bra, his gaze fell slowly to my breasts, licking his lips when they fell free from their confines.

"Lie down. Arms and legs out," he said, eyes hungrily darting all over my body.

I did as I was told, feeling a little bit exposed, but mentally shook off the need to hide myself.

Sam climbed onto the bed, let one of the silk ties glide across my stomach before he grabbed one arm and tied it to a bedpost. The second tie slid over my breasts, nipples hardening, before my other hand was tied up. On his way down to my legs, he kissed and nipped and licked my collar bone, between my breasts, around my belly button... Down one leg... He tied that. Kissed up that leg. Lingered for a moment above my mound, blowing air down my core, causing goosebumps to erupt. Then he kissed and licked down the other leg, tying it up too.

Wholesome and respectable Captain America he may be, but he did enjoy using the ties he wore for official Cap-business to tie me up when we played. He said knowing they had been used in a naughty way made the tedious and boring functions less so. And he enjoyed reliving the memories.

He stood up at the foot of the bed. Completely bare and open I lay before him, utterly at his mercy. Looking into his eyes was too much right now, so I gazed down and saw how hard he was. How his cock tented the sweatpants he was wearing, making me salivate and squirm. Sam had seen me ogling him, because he huffed out a small laugh, and then removed his Air National Guard sweater. I blinked, the sight of him almost overwhelming. I had missed him so much. And I said it.

"I missed you too, pretty girl. What's our safeword?"

"Carousel," answered quickly and breathlessly.

Sam nodded and leaned down, warm hands grasping my ankles. Eyes never leaving mine, he moved his hands slowly up the outside of my legs as he leaned down, closer and closer to my core. As his hands reached my knees, they moved to the inside and just as they reached the place where I was aching for him, they skirted past and went up my stomach instead.

I squirmed and closed my eyes at the touch, but then gasped as his tongue darted out and quickly tasted me.

"Samuel..." I was so wet for him already and I tried to push my hips closer to him, impatient. "Please, Sam..."

And he provided. Like a starved man, he feasted. Usually, he took his time to work me up, but the brain off agreement was to throw everything into it. His lips sucked my clit, tongue flicking over the little nub. One arm was hooked around my thigh and the thumb of his other hand was teasing around my entrance.

I was pulling at the restraints, feeling an orgasm building already.

With a pop, Sam pulled back from my clit. His thumb pressed against me, almost pushing inside but not giving me that satisfaction. "Look at me," he said, and I lifted my head off the mattress. Keeping eye contact, he removed his thumb, leaned down and licked me from bottom to top. My eyes closed and my head fell back with a sigh. "Look at me," he repeated.

I lifted my head again as he licked and then swirled his tongue around my clit. "Fuck," I croaked. back arching slightly, eyes closing again.

"Look at me, babygirl," Sam spoke against me, but I didn't obey this time. I couldn't look down myself, not even to look at him. He hummed and pulled away from me completely.

"What?" I snapped.

"If you won't look at me, you are not allowed to see at all." He found a fifth tie from our closet and climbed up my body, stopping right by my chest, straddling me. I got an eyeful of his cock straining against his sweatpants and licked my lips at the sight. "Oh no. You're not even allowed to look at that." He leaned down and slipped the tie under my head, then over my eyes and tied it securely on the side of my head. "Is that okay? Not too tight?"

"It's okay. Not too tight. Perfect."

"Brace yourself." Sam moved quickly back to settle between my legs. I heard him sucking on his fingers and then suddenly two of them pushed inside me, barely an inch.

I mewled and squirmed as he eased them in further and further, all the way. His thumb nudged my clit at the same time as he curled his fingers and pressed at that spot, and then he showed no mercy. Fast and hard, he worked my g-spot and clit and spurred me on. It didn't take long before I bucked off the bed and came with a whine.

"There's my girl," Sam said and I heard the smile in his voice. He didn't let me breathe though. Hand working furiously, he replaced his thumb with his tongue.

It was so good, so much, so sensitive. The edge came closer and closer. I was high strung like a bow, needing that second release. Needed that snap and crash, but no matter how much Sam pressed and licked and sucked at the right spots, I couldn't get there. I was desperate. I was too sensitive. Too much. Wanted it, needed it. "Please please please," I chanted, my hips grinding against Sam's face.

"Come on, beautiful," he said, voice muffled by me.

"Carousel."

Everything stopped.

Sam's tongue disappeared and he eased his fingers out of me. "Did I hurt you?" He untied my legs, then my arms. "Did I do too much?" The bed dipped as he sat down next to me to remove the blindfold. I looked up in Sam's warm eyes, shaking my head lightly. "What happened?"

I shook my head again, not sure what to say. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey, don't say that. I'm proud of you for using our safeword.

"Do you want close or distant comfort?"

I wrapped my arms around myself, not liking feeling so exposed. Sam immediately reached for the covers and pulled them up over me. "Close," I replied.

"Okay." He leant down and planted a kiss on my forehead. "I'll go grab something from the kitchen really quick and then I'll be back for cuddles."

I wasn't entirely sure what happened. I'd used the safeword a couple of times before, Sam had also used it once. But in both of my cases, it was just overstimulation gone too much over. This time...

A heavy feeling grew in my chest. I scooted up to lay my head on my pillow and wrapped the blankets tighter around myself. I wanted Sam, I needed to feel him, but it felt like something was blocked inside me tonight. The heaviness in my chest grew and formed into an ache and suddenly I was crying.

A sob shook in my chest, and I closed my eyes. Tears pricked at my eyelids, and I blinked, letting them fall. I had no explanation for what had happened, other than I might have been too tired to get into the right mind space for what I had asked Sam to do.

The tears flowed freely, and I didn't try to stop them or hide them. And when Sam came back in the room, he hurried over, sat something on the bedside table and climbed into bed. "Baby, baby." He slipped into bed in front of me, let himself in under the covers and pulled me into his arms. "I've got you."

For a few minutes, Sam held me. He had his legs tangled with mine, he rubbed my back, kissed my cheeks and the top of my head. Whispered sweet things to me...

"I'm so glad you're home. I've missed the feel of your skin on mine. I've missed your voice. You smell so sweet. I missed your Christmas baking." That one had me chuckling through the sobs. "I love your smile. I love the way your eyes light up when they look at me. I love the way you whisper good morning when we wake up at the same time on the weekends."

Eventually, my tears slowed and then stopped. I took several deep breaths, breathing in the scent of Sam's warm skin. "Are you mad?" I whispered into his chest.

He tightened his arms around me. "I'm not mad, of course I'm not mad. I am proud of you. I am always proud of you."

"But you're still..." I moved my thigh slightly, indicating his hard cock, pressed against my thigh.

He shivered slightly at the movement and that made my heart skip a beat in delight. "Your comfort is the most important thing, babygirl." Sam pulled away slightly so he could look at me, one of his hands laid gently on my cheek and the thumb wiping away the wetness lingering under my eye. "Not having seen you or held you for so long, I would have been hard even if I hadn't tasted you yet."

I let a weak smile cross my lips.

He kissed my nose and chuckled. "Even if we had gone straight to sleep, I would have probably been hard all night just from having you in the same room."

"Silly boy..."

"Now, you need some sustenance, before we get ready for bed." Sam scooted upwards in the bed and leaned back against the headboard and pulled me up with him, so I sat between his legs, leaning my head on his shoulder. From the bedside table he got a bottle of water and a couple of bananas. "I read somewhere earlier this week that bananas can help you relax and are a good snack before bed. So, one for you, and one for me."

I gladly accepted the bottle of water and banana. We were quiet while we ate. The exhaustion I felt when Shang-Chi, Matt and I flew home earlier was back with a vengeance. And I felt like curling in on myself. I closed my eyes and images of what we had seen flashed across my mind like a buffering movie.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sam asked quietly.

I took a deep breath, pushed the images away and shrugged. He'd see the reports and read the notes from the debriefing. There was no need for me to tell him, but I knew it would probably do me good to just chat about it. But not now. "Later," I replied.

After a couple of days recharging, they packed up and left for Delacroix. Sam had made sure she slept, ate and drank. He'd snuggled her on the couch watching Christmas cartoons and old movies.  She hadn't initiated sex again and Sam hadn't pushed, he could tell she wasn't herself yet.

Of course, he had read the reports and debrief transcripts, and been horrified at what they had unearthed in their long trek back and forth across the world. That human trafficking ring had run deep, and so many tragedies they'd come across. A couple of days downtime wouldn't be enough, but they had both agreed that resting would be easier in Delacroix.

It had been a while since they'd been at their place near Sarah and the boys. Six months at least, by Sam's calculations. It smelled a bit stale, but it was nice and warm. Sarah had been over a few days ago to start up the central heating and stock up the fridge and pantry.

"Oh my god," Sam heard from the living room as he was checking what Sarah had bought.

"What's wrong?" he asked, grabbing a pack of cookies from a cupboard. He saw exactly what as he walked past the open door. The Christmas tree was up, decorated with gold and red tinsel, and so many popcorn-strings it looked like a popcorn machine had vomited. And suddenly, it was lit up with coloured lights.

"Well, that made it worse," his girl said, standing up from having plugged in the lights. "Your sweet nephews?"

"Must be."  Sam walked closer and looked the tree up and down, laying an arm around her shoulders. Then he saw the topper and burst out laughing. "Yep, that's Cass and AJ."  Surrounded by a halo of tiny fairy lights that had been taped into place, was a toy version of his shield that had very clearly been painted over with a red star on a grey background.

"Good to know where they're loyalties lie." She laughed and Sam looked down at his girl, his heart skipping a beat. Her laugh was his favourite sound in the world, and he hadn't heard it since before she went on the mission. He planted a kiss on the top of her head and she hummed and turned towards him, her arms slipping around his waist. Sam tossed the pack of cookies onto the couch and wrapped both arms around her, revelling in how perfectly she fit against him.

Sarah's house was full of life. She herself was working at the seafood shop, so Sam was doing some odd jobs around the house for her while his girl and his nephews finally had the chance to do their annual Christmas baking.

They usually did their baking the first weekend of advent, had done so for many years now. It was during one of those weekends Sam realised he had fallen for her. They'd been friends for a while, since long before The Blip. And while she had been on the run with him, Steve, Natasha and Wanda, and not been able to have that time with Cass and AJ, Sam had taken her on their first date the first Sunday of advent. It hadn't been most glamorous date, to say the least. Just vending machine snacks and warm beer in a dirty motel room, in front of an ancient CRT TV with a terrible signal. He's still not sure if they had watched It's a Wonderful Life or Rosemary's Baby. That didn't matter though, they had spent most of the time kissing.

Blip and fugitives aside, this was the first time something had come in the way of baking. But now the house was filled with the sound of music, mixers, timers and the oven fan, and smelling of Christmas spices.

Sam was hanging Christmas curtains when the oven timer went off. A few seconds later the smell of ginger and cinnamon hit his nose. He put down the curtain rod and tiptoed towards the kitchen to see Cass move a batch of ginger cookies onto a cooling rack. Sam loved those and came in to grab one.

"Hey! Hands off, dude!" Cass tried to swat Sam's hand away, but he dodged it and took a bite from the hot cookie, burning his tongue – worth it. He offered the rest of it to his girl, but she shook her head.

As the baking went on and Sam had moved on from hanging curtains to emptying old ashes from the fireplace, he noticed that while Cass and AJ licked spoons and ate dough and taste tested cookies, his girl did not. She usually loved licking spatulas and trying the cookies fresh out of the oven. But the more he thought about it, he hadn't seen her eat anything at all that day.

That worried him. He knew what that meant and it explained her behaviour since she came home. Not trying to be intimate with him. Wearing pyjamas to bed even though the bedroom was warm. Locking the bathroom door when she showered. When they went home that evening, he had to confront her about it.

"Talk to me, babe."

I started and reached for the fluffy robe hanging next to the bathroom mirror and quickly wrapped myself in it. Turning around, I saw Sam leaning against the door frame, arms folded across his chest. I hadn't heard him walk in. "About what?" I asked, tying the robe tightly.

"I saw the way you scowled at your reflection. And you've been hiding yourself from me ever since you came home. Since you used our safeword." I frowned at that, but before I could say anything, he took a few steps closer and continued. "I'm really glad you used it, because I don't ever want you to do something you're not comfortable with. But something is going on. I can tell. I think I know what, but I want you to say it."

A slight nauseous feeling bubbled up in my stomach, sometimes I didn't like that he could read me so well. I looked down at my feet, wrapped my arms around myself protectively and shook my head.

He was suddenly right in front of me, gently pulling my arms away from my body and holding my hands in each of his. When I didn't look up, he laid one finger under my chin and forced me to meet his gaze. "Hey," he said with the softest voice.

I wanted to pull away. Away from him and go. But I knew that would be a bad idea. Because he was right, I had been hiding myself from him. Not feeling comfortable in my own skin. Not feeling beautiful. I didn't want to be in that headspace and Sam was the only one who would be able to pull me out of it.

"I think," I started, my voice barely audible. Then I took a deep breath, wanting to be brave for him. "Being exposed like that..." My voice was stronger, but I had to close my eyes. "After the mission I wasn't in the right headspace for that. I thought brain off would be good, but it wasn't then."

Sam's breath washed over my face, and he cupped my face with both his hands. "Look at me."

I opened my eyes, caught the intense warmth in his and blinked. It was like looking into the sun. But I would gladly go blind if he truly was the sun.

"Will you let me show you how beautiful you are to me? Worship you? Show you how much you mean to me? How much I love you?"

Feeling a bit breathless, I nodded, and the smile that spread across his face made my heart skip several beats. One thumb traced my lip, eyes following the movement, then his hands slid back through my hair and his lips were on mine, soft and warm. And the sudden chill across my front told me he had distracted me with the kiss to untie and open my robe. He smiled against my lips and then pulled back. His eyes darted across my face, then down, taking in my body. Upon seeing my very sensible and unsexy white cotton ladyboxers, he chuckled.

"You say those are not sexy, but they make you look incredibly cute."

I made a scoffing sound, and he responded with a hushing noise. Then he grabbed the belt of the robe and started going backwards, pulling me with him out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, all the while holding my eyes captive.

When we reached the bed, Sam guided me so I stood with my back to it. Then he quickly went and turned off the lights in the room and on fairy lights and Christmas lights that I hadn't noticed before now. They were around the windows, hanging from the wardrobe doors, wrapped around each bedpost, draped across the two chairs, and tossed over the monstera in the corner of the room. Everything was bathed in a warm glow and as Sam stood in front of me again, his brown eyes seemed luminous.

"Do you trust me?" he whispered.

Silly question, I almost blurted out but nodded instead. Of course I trusted him. I trusted Samuel Thomas Wilson with my life.

He reached out and pushed the robe off my shoulders. It slid down my back, pooling at my feet. "Fuck," he groaned, taking me in. Again, I had the urge to get away and hide, but I pushed it away. Sam came closer, hands on my shoulders. "This body –" down my arms "– is on my mind every second of every day." He lifted my hand, kissing each palm. "Hands so soft and deadly at the same time. And fitting perfectly around my cock."

I just barely resisted rolling my eyes, but my fingers twitched as if being reminded of how his cock felt in them.

He let my hands go and his fingers danced up my arms, down my shoulders and around my breasts, nipples hardening. "Soft and perfect for resting my head on. I get my best sleep right here." Then he dropped to his knees, hands running over my stomach, before he kissed my belly button. "This tummy, curved and full of life. Soft when you laugh at my jokes, taut when you come for me. And these hips..."  He grabbed them and held tight. "So naughty when they grind on my cock."

I groaned, my hands clenching and unclenching.

"Sit down, love," he ordered, and I couldn't be happier to comply, because my knees felt wobbly. "Good girl."

"Sam..."

"These thighs." He spread them apart slightly, but not far enough to expose me completely. "They are my favourite pair of earmuffs when I feast on you." He lifted one leg and kissed my knee. Then down, planting kisses until he reached the ankle. "Strong feet carrying you around in the world, carried you to me." Then he looked at the foot. "Thank you," he told it, and I let out a small laugh. He sat my foot back on the carpeted floor and spread my thighs apart so he could stand between them. "This body has saved so many lives. This body saved my life when we faced the purple ball sack."

Both of us chuckled at his choice of words for Thanos.

Sam stood straight on his knees, laid his arms around my back and pulled me closer. "I love this body of yours. It's my safe haven, my home. It's a work of art and made to fit me in every way."

"Samuel..." I was feeling emotional. My hands reached for the collar of his henley. There was a heaviness in my stomach, but not a bad one. This one was filled with love for the man kneeling at my feet, looking at me like I was a deity. Sometimes I couldn't believe how lucky I was to have his love, how every right and wrong choice I had made in my life could have led me to him. Sometimes it felt unreal, especially since I knew he felt the same way about me. That he sometimes didn't know what good he could have done to earn my love. I called him ridiculous when he said that. Steve chose him to be the next Captain America, the symbol for all that was good and righteous and fair in this world. Steve's instincts were never wrong.

"I love you, pretty girl."

"I love you too."

"Lay down for me."

I did as he asked. This already felt completely different than when I came back from the mission. My headspace was still not the best, but Sam's words acted as a shield in my mind. If he tied me up now, I wouldn't say carousel.

Sam kissed each of my knees, before lifting my legs over his shoulders, and then his lips was against my core. My eyes fluttered closed and I grabbed the sheets. Gently, he opened me up, pressing his tongue against my clit, then dragged it up, flicking the little nub with the end of his warm muscle. My thighs twitched. This wouldn't take long.

"Eager." The word vibrated against me, and I ground my hips against him. He hooked his arms around my thighs and wrapped his lips around my clit, sucking in and flicking his tongue over it. Just like he described earlier, my stomach went taut as I arched my back. He kept the same pace, and I dug my heels into his back just as I broke and came with a strangled whine.

Sam slowed down, dragging the orgasm out and then pulling away.

"So beautiful," he whispered, then smacked his lips. "And fucking delicious."

"Silly," I said breathlessly, laying one arm over my eyes and trying to catch my breath, a smile on my face.

"I am never silly when I eat you," Sam said. "Now scoot up."

I lifted my arm slightly and looked towards him. He had undressed completely, cock pointing straight at me. I let my arm fall to the side and licked my lips.

"Like what you see?"

"Nothing silly about that." I wriggled myself back up towards the pillows.

"It's because of you," he said, setting his knees at the edge of the bed. "Just the sight of you naked for me... The taste of your arousal... The noises you make when you come for me..." He crawled slowly towards me, stopping when he could look right down into my face. "It's just you. Always you. Okay?"

I nodded slowly. I would fall into this headspace again, wasn't completely out of it now. But Sam could see straight through me and would do anything he could to pull me out of it. And whatever thoughts still lingered right now, were drowned out by him planting a kiss to my collar bone.

In the glow of the Christmas lights Sam kissed every inch of my skin. Marked every part he loved, every bump and imperfection. He set every cell in me on fire. He made me come undone again and again, on his tongue and his fingers. Like a prayer, he told me everything he loved about me. And when he couldn't take it anymore, he slid inside me and nothing else mattered. It was Sam and me.