Through all my years at Hogwarts I've tried hard to find love. The reason being that my parents found each other at Hogwarts. They'd known each other since their first year, fell in love in fifth year, bonded the summer after they left, and had me by the time they were both twenty. You can tell how much they love each other just by being in the same room. They don't have to look at each other, talk to each other, you don't even have to see them yourself. It's just there. Radiating and touching everyone near enough. It's like one exhale and the other inhale, one push blood through the veins of the other, one holds the other's soul.

It's amazing. And I want it.

The two first months of my seventh year was busy, very busy. It was N.E.W.Ts the upcoming spring and we were already starting to prepare for them. There was some revision, but also lots of new material to learn and master.

Defence Against the Dark Arts turned out to be more than I hoped for. Professor Lupin was an excellent teacher, and word around the school said that everyone else enjoyed his classes. Except for the Slytherins of course. I was feeling very confident about my N.E.W.T in this subject.

But I was feeling good about my other subjects too. I had always been a reasonably good student, and had prepared myself mentally for this final year. What I wasn't prepared for was the way I was starting to feel about my Defence Against the Dark Arts professor.

Sirius Black had not been found anywhere in the castle, we learned the next day. That was both frightening and comforting at the same time. So life went back to normal at Hogwarts, as normal as it could be. But the job of guarding the Gryffindor common room had now been given to a portrait of a slightly crazy man called Sir Cadogan, and the Dementors that had been stationed around the school because of Sirius Black were now more active. I was very glad that Professor Lupin had promised to teach us the Patronus Charm as soon as possible. It normally wouldn't come up before the third term, but he figured it would be best to do it a bit earlier.

But just a few days after the Halloween tragedy, Professor Lupin disappeared. It wasn't the first time he disappeared from classes; in fact this was the third time since the start of the year. It was worrying me a bit, because he was gone for several days at a time, and rumour had it he was sick each time.

November went and December came. Almost as if it had been planned by the weather gods, the insane rain that had been pouring down for ages switched instantly to snow on December 1st. And it didn't stop. It snowed nearly all day every day, and by the time Christmas came around, the white masses outside were so high that only the top of the windows on the ground floor were visible.

I had decided to stay at Hogwarts this Christmas. I wrote my parents early in December saying I wanted to stay because it was my last year, and that Tia had decided to stay too, so I wouldn't be lonely. Of course that was part of the reason, but I conveniently left out that I wanted to stay because of Professor Lupin.

New Years Eve was celebrated by a grand dinner in the Great Hall for the students and staff members that were there. Headmaster Dumbledore had arranged for the enchanted ceiling to let loose a shower of fireworks at the stroke of midnight, instead of setting loose a show outside in the cold. It was very much appreciated.

After that Tia and I did some finishing touches on our homework and waited for the rest of the students to come back. On Sunday there was an incredible change in sound through Hogwarts as everyone came back, and on Monday the second term began.

The next couple of days I practised my Patronus like Professor Lupin requested. As far as I could tell, there was no improvement. I didn't understand why he needed me to practise it, he said it was only if I found the thing that my soul was missing that I would produce a corporeal Patronus. But I did what he said, every day.

The upcoming Saturday I decided to give up the Patronus work. The girls in my dorm were pretty tired of the blurry white animal that pranced around their beds. Besides, Gryffindor was playing Ravenclaw in Quidditch and I wanted to catch the game.

I could not get the memory of Professor Lupin holding my hand out of my head. It was driving me insane. At night I used to lie in bed and stare amazingly at my open hand, the hand he held. And if I pretended hard enough, I could still feel him holding it.

What was more amazing was that he had seemed to get quite affected by the skin contact too. To me he had seemed flustered. He had avoided eye contact with me, perhaps to hide something?

That essay on duelling traditions earned me an Outstanding. I was very proud of myself, and I hoped that Professor Lupin really appreciated all the work I had put in to that essay. After seeing him in his office that weekend I had gone back and edited the essay. I was already finished of course, but I wanted to make it better, so I worked well into the night. When I handed it in it was 10 inches longer and good enough to be published in Defensive Digest, if I may say so myself.

We had now moved on to nonverbal duelling. I wasn't doing so well with that, but since nonverbal magic wasn't required to leave Hogwarts with good grades there was no need to have extra tutoring.

School that day was difficult. I couldn't get the Hogwarts werewolf off my mind, and my mind was slow and slurry from lack of sleep. By the time Defence Against the Dark Arts came around I was a mess. Tia said I looked like a ghost; pale, circles under my eyes and hair was a crow's nest from grabbing it to try and stay awake.

I struggled to keep my senses with me the entire lesson. Even though I knew a lot of the answers to Professor Lupin's questions, I did not have the energy to raise my hand. About the only conscious thoughts I had was about the book I read and about the werewolf at Hogwarts.

It was safe to say I was unusually happy the rest of that weekend. Tia kept glancing my way, probably thinking all sorts of nasty things about why I was so happy. She asked about what had happened, since I'd been gone a couple of hours. Even though I would trust her with my life, I kept my promise to Remus and said nothing.

I had started referring to him as Remus in my head now. I had tried before, but I just couldn't make myself call him anything but Professor Lupin. But I guess that's what a couple of awfully nice kisses do with a girl.