Fandom: Star Trek
Pairing: Leonard McCoy x female
Characters scattered around: Jim Kirk, Joanna McCoy, Montgomery Scott, Doctor T'Virin (original character), Lieutenant Arelia zh’Thesan (original character)
Words total: 7283
Inspired by this prompt: "i know we hate each other but it's christmas eve and your flight was cancelled please come inside"
Summary: A complicated relationship, but two idiots in love. One had Christmas plans that didn't work out, the other is deep in a xenozoology project. One night of stargazing might solve everything.
I was humming to myself as I walked into the turbolift. "Deck 9," I said when the doors slid closed and the lift took off. My foot tapped impatiently on the floor as I waited. The lab had run out of large petri dishes, and I knew the medical lab had just gotten a large order in from the replicator.
Finally reaching deck 9 in what felt like forever but was just a few seconds I hurried out almost before the doors had opened wide enough. This project I was working on was so fascinating and I didn't want to be out of the lab for too long, in case I lost the brainwave she'd had.
But I spared one thought to hoping we would get approval for the new replicators Starfleet was working on. The Enterprise only had two, one for food and one for medical equipment and they weren't as advanced as the ones that was in use on Vulcan ships. Yet. The exobiology lab needed its own.
As I rounded the corner to the med bay, I saw Leonard McCoy standing there in a hushed conversation with the captain and my heart skipped too many beats. It looked like they were arguing about something, until the captain smiled smugly and turned on his heel, walking down the next corridor.
The Chief Medical Officer leaned his head back as if praying to the heavens, then his head fell and he pinched the bridge of his nose.
I cleared my throat to announce I was there. He jumped and spun around. "Doctor McCoy?" I asked tentatively, walking slowly towards him. "Is everything okay?"
His face went from startled to his usual grumpy frown. "Yes, Lieutenant," he snapped. "Did you need anything?"
I raised an eyebrow for a moment at his tone. "I was just on my way to the lab to borrow some equipment."
He stepped back towards to the med bay door, which opened at his approach and swept his hands in front of him. "By all means, don't let me keep you."
"I apologize," I said, my eyes narrowing lightly. "Not my place to ask." And then I hurried past, hearing his footsteps carry him inside the med bay and the doors sliding shut. I looked back, not sure if I expected him to still be standing there or not. But I shook my head as if to clear it and went to get the petri dishes.
That man could be so infuriating. But not as infuriating as my heart, which had decided that the Chief Medical Officer on the USS Enterprise was one I should crush on. The grumpiest man I had ever had the misfortune to meet. He wasn't my usual type, at least mentally and emotionally. He rarely smiled when I was near. Sometimes it looked like he was trying to murder me with his stare, and he did that a lot. If I rub him in the wrong way so much, why does even look at me.
I was back in the xenobiology lab, thankfully it was empty now. My colleagues had clocked out, but I wanted to get started on that idea I needed the bigger petri dishes for. Setting them out next to the microscope, I took one with me over to the frog I was dissecting.
McCoy hadn't even treated me or done any of my check-ups during my time serving on the Enterprise, so I couldn't blame the crush on hero-worship either. He had been nice to begin with though.
The first time I walked into the medical bay for my mandatory physical after transferring to the Enterprise, he had greeted me with a radiant smile that stunned me for a few seconds. Because physically, he was very much my type. Those warm, empathetic hazel eyes. Dark hair that usually lay perfect but could be so wild when he came into the mess hall after a busy day. The tall comforting presence. The firm voice when he ordered crew members to take care of themselves.
That smile, that first initial contact, he had looked at me in a way that made it feel like I was the first ray of sunshine in the morning. And he had definitely looked like sunshine personified. He had welcomed me, made small talk for a few minutes, then looked me up on the computer terminal and introduced me to Doctor M'Benga.
It wasn't until a few months later that things changed seemingly over night. From bright smiles and banter to surly faces and grunts. It hurt me more than I thought it would. I asked him once, why, but never got a decent reply.
I tried to focus on the dissection I was supposed to be doing. I had been invited to a project that studied the effects of zero gravity on amphibians and being from Earth, naturally I studied Earth's amphibians. This particular specimen had been bred in zero gravity and I was trying to see in what ways it had developed differently than frogs on Earth.
But my mind couldn't focus after that interaction outside the med bay and I'd been working for nearly 12 hours, so I decided it was best to clock out and see if the mess hall had anything good on the menu this late in the day.
"Yes, may I help you?" A tall, dark haired man asked, his back to me as he looked down at a tricorder in his hands.
"I was told to report to a Doctor... McCoy? I think their name was. For a checkup," I announced.
"That's me," he replied, put the tricorder down and turned around. There was a frown on his face, but when his eyes met mine, he smiled so brightly I felt almost blinded. "Hello! You're one of the new officers?"
I nodded, feeling stunned, but introduced myself and he held out his hand for me to shake.
"How are you finding the Enterprise?" Doctor McCoy asked, still holding my gaze and flashing that bright smile.
Heat was rushing through my body, and I dearly hoped he didn't notice. "She's a beautiful ship. I can't wait to get settled into the lab and see what toys we have there."
"You were the xenobiologist?"
"I prefer to call myself a xenozoologist, but yes, I am the new xenobiologist."
He nodded in confirmation. "Xenozoologist it is. And I can assure you, there are plenty of toys in there. The captain wants the best for his officers." And he winked.
I blinked, definitely feeling hot around the collar now, and hoping desperately that he was the one who would do the checkup on me and at the same hoping very much not.
And as if he had read my mind – "Let's see about your checkup." He walked towards me, and for a moment I thought he was going to kiss me or touch me or hug me or something. My eyes went wide and my heart jumped into my throat, and I was frozen on the spot, but he sidestepped me.
I blinked and breathed out, before turning around to see what he was doing. On the computer terminal there he had looked up my records and scrolled through them. He pressed a few buttons and then turned around to face me. "Doctor M'Benga will be your main physician. Joseph!" He called out the last name to the room in general.
A dark bearded man appeared as if out of nowhere. "Yes?"
"Our new xenozoologist is in for her checkup."
Doctor M'Benga held out his hand and I shook it quickly. "Come with me, Lieutenant."
As I looked back at Doctor McCoy to say thanks, he actually winked at me, and my words got stuck in my throat.
He had definitely been very charming when we first met. And he had been so for a while, until something suddenly changed.
The mess hall was pretty much empty when I got there. And there were dinner leftovers by the counter, so I loaded a little bit of everything on a plate to take back to my quarters. Deciding that I would not waste another second thinking about the grumpy-ass doctor anymore today.
He couldn't believe Jim had threatened to report him to the Integrity Board if he didn't cash in his shore leave. Kicking his Chief Medical Officer off the ship. Leonard was pacing angrily back and forth in front his bed, cursing Jim to Qo'noS and back again.
"I'll call Admiral T'Rel. You know she likes me, even if she doesn't let on. She'll put you on forced shore leave before you can say 'space flu'." Jim stared at him with raised eyebrows and a smug 'I've already won' look in his eyes.
"Jim, I swear to god-"
"Bones. You know regulation say you must take leave before you hit 500 hours. You're past eight hundred. Starfleet is going to skin me alive if they find out." Jim's smugness has dropped from his face.
"I am the Chief Medi-"
"No." Jim snapped into his captain-voice and straightened his back, looking Leonard dead in the eyes. Which was a feat, considering Jim was shorter. "If you don't get your ass off this ship, I'm contacting the Starfleet Medical Integrity Board myself. Get your ass to Earth. Spend Christmas with Joanna. We're crossing paths with the Potemkin in a week. You can hitch a ride back to Earth with them."
He had given in. And Jim had walked away looking so smug Leonard wanted to punch him. He had no need for shore leave. Technically he did have over 800 hours saved up, but he rested fine during his off hours. And he enjoyed his job and wasn't there this old Earth proverb saying that if you do what you love, you never work a day in your life. Or something along those lines.
But he knew Jim actually would go over his head and contact the Integrity Board, so he relented.
And after Jim had left him simmering, she had been there. Leonard had seen the concern in her eyes when she asked what was wrong. He had snapped at her. Actually snapped at her. The concern had turned into hurt, and her voice had been cold as steel when she apologized and walked away.
Leonard had walked resolutely into sickbay, not daring to look back for her. His anger at Jim had been replaced by shame for snapping at her. She didn't deserve the treatment she got from him. They'd been civil. They'd been friendly, even flirting. But then he... Remembered he had baggage she didn't deserve in a man.
Leonard stopped his pacing and sat down at the edge of his bed, closing his eyes. It would be good to see Joanna again. He'd only seen her on subspace calls for the last three years and she grew so much between each call. And thinking of Joanna reminded him again about the baggage he had and he stood up and began pacing again.
I hadn't realised how late it was. But I hadn't wanted to leave until I finished what I started. The corridors of the ship were dimmed to nighttime as I hurried through them rushing for sickbay, that's how late it as. As I closed up the doors, they slid open for me, and I noticed the lights were dimmed there too. I should have just left it for tomorrow, I thought to myself. But then I noticed a bright light coming from the open door to the CMO's office.
"Hello?" I tried.
There were scuffling noises from inside. Leonard McCoy emerged from the bright light and the annoyed furrow between his brows melted away when he saw me. "What now?"
I held up three bio-containers. "I just need a scan for anomalous cellular decay. I didn't realise how late it was, I should come back tom-"
But he took the containers from my hands before I could finish. "I didn't say I wouldn't do it," he muttered.
"Thank you, you're an angel," she said with a relieved sigh.
He shook his head slightly, but the corner of his mouth twitched, just a little. Leonard walked over to a biobed, put the samples down and reached for a tricorder attached to the side of the bed. As he watched the readings on the console, his eyes narrowed into that focused frown I had gotten so familiar with in the past few weeks, coming in here for expert medical advice for my projects and research.
As he watched the tricorder's output, I watched him. The white coat he usually wore when he was on duty was off, blue shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Hair sticking up in the back from no doubt his hands running through it too many times throughout the day. A pair of reading glasses at the top of his head.
My heart was beating so fast as I wondered how soft his hair would feel between my fingers. And as my eyes roamed over the rolled-up sleeves to the hands that tapped on the screen, I couldn't help but bite my lip.
He noticed. "Why're you starin' like that?" he asked without looking away from the readout.
"Just... admiring the view."
He froze. Shoulders stiffened, and the tricorder beeped in protest as he has stopped mid-scan. For a moment I was sure he was going to snap or tell me off.
But he cleared his throat and spoke, very quietly. "Don't say things like that unless you mean them."
"I did," I said, feeling brave for the one second it took to say those two words, but when he turned around to look at me, my eyes fell to my boots. I had crossed a line. Regretting my words instantly. I couldn't look at him, couldn't meet the anger or annoyance or maybe even pity in his eyes. And he was silent for so long, the tricorder had stopped beeping, I didn't know if he had resumed the scanning or the tricorder had given him up.
But then the three bio-containers appeared in front of my eyes and I glanced up at him. "There is nothing anomalous in these." His voice was low and dark, as if he wasn't talking about bio-samples.
I reached for them and my fingers brushed his and it was like the whole world dropped out of warp and drifted on thrusters. For that split second that felt like an eternity, my breath caught, chest tightening in that overwhelmingly delicious way. The air felt thick, like I couldn't draw breath. My hands trembled a little, until I held the containers to my chest and the world sped up again. I looked up into his hazel eyes and he was standing just a breath away from me.
I had thought his eyes were brown, but I hadn't seen them this close before. There was green there, catching the light shining from his office. I could get lost in them.
Those were the memories that stuck with me and did nothing to help the crush go away. I hadn't planned on saying that at all. Just admiring the view. And when I thought I had crossed a line, he instead walked over to my side of the line. That night, when I walked back to the lab, much more calmly than when I'd rushed to sickbay, my thoughts had been everywhere else than on the bio-samples in the three containers I still held to my chest. When I had finally reached the lab, I wrote down nothing anomalous, put the samples into the fridge and left.
The contrast to how cold and short he was with me these past few weeks, months, it was confusing.
But it was almost Christmas. No point dwelling on memories that only hurt.
The few species on board the Enterprise that celebrated a holiday at this time of year, had made sure their culture was represented in the decorations that had appeared all over the ship. It was not over the top, it was very discreet and beautiful, even if so many different kinds of traditions were shown off.
I had not particular plans for any celebration. I would get dinner in the mess hall on Christmas Eve with my friends and colleagues like I usually did. And just see what happened after that. I might even just go back to my amphibia in zero gravity project.
The next few days, I did my best to avoid any part of the ship where I knew McCoy would most likely be. I didn't want him to ruin my mood. But one afternoon, I went early to the mess hall for dinner, because I knew he usually ate late, he was there with Captain Kirk. The usual frown between his brows was gone, and he looked... happy? My traitorous heart skipped a beat and a small smile twitched at the corner of my lips.
One of my close friends and co-workers in the lab, Doctor T'Virin gave me a sideways glance. I ignored her and strode over the counter instead.
An hour later though, I was walking back to the lab alone. I had grabbed the turbolift, but before it reached deck 11, it stopped and in came Doctor Leonard McCoy himself. My eyes widened for a second, before they narrowed. His frown was back, with a vengeance. Thunder in his eyes, lips thin, temples jumping with the grinding of his teeth. The metaphorical cloud over his head was raining hard.
I wasn't sure he had even noticed me, he gave no indication as he positioned himself with his back to me and mumbled: "Deck 9."
"Hi," I tried gently, leaning forward slightly.
His head snapped around and he made a sound that was more a grunt than a greeting, before going back to glaring at the turbolift doors.
Leonard didn't hear her footsteps over the blood thundering in his head, but he noticed when she was suddenly next to him, peering up. "What's wrong?" she asked.
He didn't answer. He didn't want to snap at her again.
She stepped a little bit closer and he fought the urge to both jump away and fall down to his knees in front of her.
"What happened?" she said, the warmth and concern in her voice like a balm he didn't want right now. It hadn’t taken long for them to know each other before she had been able to see when he was being his usual grumpy self or when something was actually wrong.
He opened his mouth to say it was none of her concern, but instead he blurted it out. "Jim forced me to accept shore leave and I was goin' back to Earth to see my daughter for Christmas, but the damn Potemkin and her useless good-for-nothin' crew missed the fucking rendezvous and now I'm not goin' anywhere."
Before she had the time to respond, the turbolift reached deck 9 and he hurried out. He walked so fast to the sickbay that he was out of breath when the doors opened to let him in. Thankfully she hadn't followed.
Sickbay was nearly empty, just one sleeping patient with Andorian flu surrounded by a force field. Leonard walked into his office and closed the door quietly behind himself. He didn't turn on the lights, but put his fists on the desk and leaned on them. Eyes screwed shut and lips thin.
At the back of his mind, under the anger and disappointment, he felt regret for snapping at her again. Especially since she never lost that warmth in her voice, no matter how cold he was. And was never able to resist it. Because damn he tried. Because of Joanna, he tried. Because of his ex-wife, he tried. Because he only had his bones to offer, he tried.
Despite the lateness of the hour, Leonard shook his head to clear it, walked around the desk and sat down. He pulled up the charts for the flu patient on the other side of the door and lost himself in work.
As I approached the mess hall with a couple of my colleagues on Christmas Eve a few days later, the smell had my stomach roaring in delight. I could easily smell pork and turkey from Earth, but also Vulcan vegetable dishes. And most importantly, my favourite dishes from Betazed. Soft bread, warm spices, creamy textures. Something about the spices and vegetables in season there now tasted more like Christmas to me than anything I'd ever eaten on Earth.
T'Virin, Arelia and I helped ourselves and found an available table in the far corner, digging in. I moaned at the first taste of the Betazoid mushroom and vegetable sauce, making Arelia chuckle and T'Virin raise one sharp eyebrow.
"Humans' need to make sounds when you eat never cease to baffle me," T'Virin commented.
"It makes the food taste better," Arelia said, letting out a moan herself as she took a deep sniff of the Andorian dish in front of her. "Try it!"
"I do not think so."
Arelia and I looked at each other and smiled with exasperation. One day we were going to get T'Virin to drop the Vulcan composure, even if it was the last thing we did.
The hall around us buzzed with excited voices, the sound of cutlery and a Vulcan lute, but we fell into a comfortable silence as we dug into our food. Halfway through my plate though, the sound of a familiar laugh had my traitorous heart skip a beat and I snapped my head up and look around.
Leonard McCoy just walked in with Captain Kirk and Commander Spock. The two humans laughed at something Spock said, the Vulcan raising one eyebrow at their behaviour. Leonard's laughter didn't quite reach his eyes though.
He was clearly still torn up about not being able to visit Earth, and I felt for him. And with how well I had gotten to know him before he suddenly turned frigid, I knew that for him to accept shore leave was a big thing.
I felt a pair of eyes on me and T'Virin was looking thoughtfully at me. If she didn't have the pointed ears and sharp eyebrows to give her away, I'd say she was a Betazoid in the way she picked up on my moods. Thankfully, she never said anything.
But my attention had probably been too focused on that damn doctor anyway, so I turned my attention back to the food. Even if, in the corner of my eye, I was aware of McCoy's every move. Until he left with the captain and the commander halfway through dessert.
A couple of hours later, T'Virin, Arelia and I called it a night. I wasn't ready to fully end the evening though and was about to take the turbolift down to the biology labs, when I instead asked it to take me to the Observation deck. It had been too long since I visited that deck.
When the doors slid open, I was surprised to find it completely empty. Late on Christmas Eve, it should have been packed with people. I was not unhappy about it being empty, quite the opposite. But the absolute silence, apart from the hum from the warp core that was a constant white noise throughout the entire ship, felt... forlorn.
I stepped slowly into the room, my steps muffled by the deep purple carpet. I gazed towards the gigantic windows, the endless blackness beyond them dotted with tiny dots of light scattered across the canvas of space.
It wasn't so much forlorn as it was... reverent.
I walked all the way over to one of those big windows, leaned my hands on the support railing across it and stared at the stars passing by. Shoulders I hadn't realised were tense and raised, dropped and relaxed. I had been too caught up in my amphibian project lately. And the encounters with McCoy hadn't exactly done anything to ease the tension.
We had had a good thing building. Whenever I came into sickbay for a medical opinion on my projects, he was happy to discuss shop. He always smiled when he saw me, even if he tried to hide it behind furrowed brows. And those rare times, when he smiled with his whole face while looking at me... My world narrowed down to only him and it was like we were the only people existing in the universe.
I started developing feelings for him and was sure he was too.
We started grabbing coffee, stopping to talk if we ran into each other, meeting up for movie nights in the mess hall when they showed one we both were interested in. Not dating, but gravitating towards each other.
Until he just... changed over night.
Confused and hurt, I started avoiding him and he avoided me. I shut down my feelings. But now, leading up to Christmas, I'd run into him more times than the last few months put together. And clearly my crush had not gone away.
I shook my head. No thinking about this now. It was Christmas Eve. I had just had a delicious dinner with my friends and colleagues. I was alone on the Observation deck. Enjoy the moment.
Even with all the chairs and couches and poufs to chose from, I sat down on the floor. Leaning back on my hands, feet sprawled out in front of me.
But my thoughts couldn't help but wander...
It hadn't been anything special. Just a mug of coffee from the mess hall, warm in my hands when I hesitated outside sickbay. I had just been in there asking for a second opinion on an unexpected cellular response in one of my xenobiology projects. During our conversation, Leonard had reached for his cup several times, only to set it down with a low grunt when he realised it was still empty. As a thank you for the help, I went to get him a fresh cup from the mess hall. And not from the replicator, but the chef's own brew.
Before I could chicken out, I stepped close enough to the doors so they'd open for me. Ignoring the other doctors and nurses, who I was sure knew exactly what I was up and judged me for it but probably hadn't even noticed me, I strode into Leonard's office and cleared my throat.
He looked up from a padd, brows drawing together, like he was expecting bad news. "Something wrong with the sample?"
I shook my head and held out the mug for him, steam still slowly spiralling out of it.
"I didn't order anything," he said still frowning.
"I know," I replied. I glanced at the still empty cup on his desk. "I just had a feeling you might want some."
For a moment, he just stared at me. Then at the mug in my hands. Then me again.
Something in his expression shifted. Something behind his eyes. Softening? But he also looked startled. Like he'd never heard of coffee before.
He took the mug and sniffed the contents.
"I didn't poison it," I couldn't help but say.
An amused snort sounded from him and he shook his head quickly. "Not replicated."
"Not replicated," I confirmed. "Don't let it get cold." And I turned around and tried not to run out.
After that, it became a thing. I always brought him coffee if I needed a medical opinion. Hellos in the corridors turning into lingering conversations. Sitting just close enough on ship movie nights that our shoulders touched and I couldn't focus on the movie at all.
At some point, he wasn't sure when, something in him shifted. It might have been that day she came with the first cup of coffee. Or it was that time she was completely lost in her own thoughts holding up the line to the mess hall replicator and he poked her shoulder making her scream, only to laugh out loud when he pointed out what she was doing.
Maybe it was the first time she called him Leonard instead of Doctor or even Bones. He liked his nickname, but his name on her lips...
She was bent over the workbench with a padd in hand, focused on the data scrolling over the screen. He was leaning against the door, arms crossed, watching her talking herself through the problem.
"Because if the cellular response is stress-induced and not inflammatory, then adjusting the environment won't actually –" She stopped mid-sentence, frowning and pinched the screen of the padd to zoom in on a diagram. "Leonard, does this look normal to you or am I missing something?"
He pushed off from the doorframe, standing straight. His heart hammering hard in his chest. "What?" he asked, a bit too quickly.
She looked up at him, for a split second, realized what she had said and then looked down and handed the padd to him. "Sorry. Doctor. Bones. Does this look normal to you?"
He took the padd but didn't look at it. "No, not Doctor or Bones. Leonard. Please."
Her eyes met his again and his heart wouldn't stop racing. Then she nodded.
He could fall for her. He could fall for her easily, and hard. The last time he had felt that way, he'd lost everything permanent in his life, so he had to be careful. Keep her at an arm's length. But every time she walked into a room, his heart betrayed him.
And now, standing in the doorway of the Observation deck, watching her sit on the floor with the stars stretched out in front of her... His heart betrayed him again.
Leonard hadn't had any destination in mind when he wandered the corridors, just looking for somewhere to be that wasn't his quarters or sickbay. Somewhere to sit and pretend he wasn't miserable on Christmas Eve. Then he saw her sitting there and something in his chest twisted and suddenly he was back in his office months ago, her arm outstretched, offering him a cup of coffee. She had caught him so off guard, with such a small gesture. He could count on one hand how many people in his life would notice and bother to get him that coffee. Not because he was lonely, but because he had only let very few people close enough after the divorce.
She had made her way in close without trying. Just because she was... her.
A sick feeling rose inside him, he had been so cruel to her lately. So cold and dismissive. And he knew she couldn't understand why, that it hurt her. He had seen it in her eyes, but he had done it anyway. For utterly selfish reasons and the simple fact that he knew he could fall for her. But hadn't he done that anyway?
She hadn't noticed him as he stood there in his own miserable thoughts. But it was time to stop hiding. He took a deep breath and walked slowly past the threshold making his steps deliberately heavy so she could hear him.
"Why are you here?" he asked quietly. "Alone?"
She started slightly and glanced behind at him, one eyebrow raising at the sight of him. It made his heart ache. She looked back out the window and took a few moments to answer. He was standing right behind her now. "I work in space, but I spend most of my time with my head in a telescope. I rarely take the time to see the stars. Why are you here?" The question held some bitterness.
He grunted as if to say not important, but caught himself. "I needed a change of scenery. I was supposed to be on Earth today."
I nodded. "I remember. The captain forced you to take out shore leave, but it didn't work out."
McCoy sat down on the nearest pouf, and I resisted the urge to both scoot away from him and scoot closer.
"I rarely take the time to really look at the stars too," he said and in the corner of my eye I saw him lean his elbows on his thighs and look through the big window.
"I'm surprised this place was empty," I commented to keep things friendly and casual.
"They started up an old Christmas movie in the mess hall," he explained. "I think most people are there."
I nodded, and we fell silent for a bit. Surprisingly, it wasn't an awkward silence, at least not for me.
"I had over 800 hours saved up," McCoy said after a while. I glanced at him quickly. He was still gazing at the stars. "Jim threatened me with the Medical Integrity Board." He chuckled and shook his head, looking down.
"That's... a lot of hours. You keep telling the crew to take their leave, you need to lead by example." I gave him a half-smile when he looked at me and his lips twitched at the corners too. That was the first time he had smiled in my direction for a long, long time.
"Jim suggested I see Joanna for Christmas. I haven't seen her for... three years now? And just as I was starting to look forward to leaving, the ship I was hitching a ride with didn't make it in time." He looked back out at the stars, I did too. But I could hear the disappointment in his voice.
"I am sorry," I said quietly, and meant it. "I am sure you will get another chance soon. Maybe she can even visit the ship?"
McCoy grunted. "Not a chance! I'm not letting her onto this metal canister hurtling through meteors and debris and alien germs. It's a disaster waiting to happen! Especially with Jim at the top!"
I made a snorting noise, trying not to laugh. "Don't let Kirk hear you say that, Bones!"
"Don't – Please..." I snapped around at the sound of pain in his voice, his eyes were closed and he was shaking his head. "Please, use Leonard. Like you used to." He opened his eyes and his hazel eyes bored into mine. "I can't stand you using that nickname. Considering why I got it. It just... Leonard, please."
My heart raced, but I nodded. I knew very well why he got that nickname, but he had never mentioned it being an issue with me using it before. But as I thought about it, I couldn't remember using before he went hostile. "Leonard," I said to confirm.
We fell into silence again. It was nice being casual with him again. I had missed this more than I realised. Even if we literally were the only people in the room, he still had the ability to make me feel like it was just the two of us.
"I have a lot of hours saved up too," I admitted after a while and I could see the switch on the doctor in him flip on, but before he could say anything about it: "I have plans to take some once I finish up this project I'm working on."
"Good," he nodded.
"It's really fascinating, it's –"
The sound of a communicator going off interrupted me. Leonard fished it out from his back pocket and flipped it open. "McCoy here."
"Bones! Scotty here. We're scheduled tae pass another ship headin' for Earth in about an hour. D'you still wannae go?"
"Yes!" He blinked.
"Thought so! I'll let them ken right away."
He looked at me in surprise, but there was excitement in his eyes that I had rarely seen there before.
"See? Told you that you would get another chance soon." I winked at him and shooed him out. "Go go!"
"Merry Christmas!" he said, shot to his feet and was out the door in a few strides.
This was good. I was sad to see him go, because after being nice and civil to each other for just a few minutes, my heart was already ready to hope again. But I was happy for him too. And he deserved shore leave. It was good. This was good.
I scooted over until my back was against the pouf he had sat on and leaned back. Eyes locking onto the view past the windows. "Merry Christmas, Leonard," I whispered to myself.
It was late when I left the Observation deck. No one else had come in there to gaze at the stars or hang out, which I was grateful for. The conversation with Leonard had left me thoughtful and I needed the quiet to sort through everything.
This sudden change from grumpy to civil left me almost as confused as flirting to grumpy had. I didn't expect the civility to last, but my heart was very much hoping. That was the conclusion I had arrived at by the time I was ready to get to bed a few minutes past midnight.
I had just changed into a Christmas pyjama when the chime on the door sounded. I frowned. "Enter."
The doors slid open and my heart stuttered. "Leonard!" There he was, looking like a lost dog in a storm, a bag slung over his shoulder. "What happened?"
"Another ship not making the rendezvous," he said with a hollow voice.
I stepped forward a few steps. "Oh, Leonard. I'm so sorry."
He swallowed. "I know we... Well, we haven't gotten along lately." He looked down at his shoes, shame on his face. "Which is my fault. But I... I came right here. I didn't... Want to go to my own –" He took a shaky breath and looked back up. "Would it be alright if I came inside?"
Feeling slightly stunned, I nodded and stepped aside. "Yes. Of course."
Leonard crossed the threshold and stopped a few paces inside, eyes moving around as if he wasn't sure he belonged in there. Silence stretched and we just looked at each other. I tried reaching for his bag so he would get comfortable, but he spoke before I got as far. "I keep thinking about that day you called me Leonard for the first time."
I blinked in surprise. "You remember that?"
"I remember every second." His voice was rough. "That was the day I realised I could fall for you."
My breath caught, heat flushing through my body.
He dropped the bag to the floor finally and stood straighter, taking one step closer to me. "I can't stand you calling me Bones because that's the nickname Jim gave me after I told him the ex left me with just my bones."
"I know," I said breathlessly.
"That... trainwreck I was then, was –" He shook his head as if to clear it. "That was a man trying to survive losing everything that mattered. Bones reminds me of that. Of having nothing but that name and pretending I was fine." He took a step closer, and I had to tilt my head to look him in the eyes. "When you called me Leonard that day, it felt like I could be him again. Not just the doctor with nothing. Maybe more than what I left behind."
I could barely process what he was saying. I tried to find words to say, but I was speechless. But he had more on his heart.
"You helped me feel that way. I knew I could fall for you. And I did."
The air in the room was thick and hot and I felt slightly dizzy. But I found a few of my words. "Then why did you..."
She had been up a damned tree during a survey on Andoria with Lieutenant zh'Thesan, trying to reach an injured Andorian icewing that had tangled itself in the frozen branches. Zh'Thesan had explained that she stepped on an icy branch, slipped and tumbled and bumped into icicles and branches on the way down, banged her head on a frozen puddle as she landed and lost consciousness.
Zh'Thesan had called for a beam directly to sickbay and Leonard had been on duty when they appeared. He was shocked with fear for two moments, before he got into action. Getting her onto a biobed, barking orders at nurses, running two tricorders over her while reading her vitals on the screen above the bed.
Apart from bumps and bruises and scratches, she'd only gotten a mild concussion. Leonard healed up the superficial injuries quickly enough, but was tempted to keep her in sickbay for a month because of the concussion. Only a day would be enough though, and he told her as much when she gained consciousness.
"You scared the hell outta me," he admitted in a whisper. The two of them were alone behind the screens around her bed.
She blinked up at him. "Leonard... It was just a fall."
"I know!" he snapped, but continued in a gentler tone. "I know. But it reminded me that life doesn't wait around for you to get you damn courage together."
She frowned. "What are you talking about?"
He looked away, jaw grinding. Took a breath and opened his mouth to speak, but stopped and shook his head. "You scared me."
"Yeah, I remember that," I said. "After that you just... did a complete 180."
"I almost told you then. Because I realised when I saw you unconscious. When I didn't know what was wrong. Instead, I chickened out. I pushed you away. Because I just saw the broken man I was. With nothing to offer, except..." He shrugged and his lip twitched in a half smile. "My bones."
"Leonard." He was beating around the bush and it was infuriating. I wanted him to just say the words I hoped he would say. The words that would hopefully explain everything.
"I realised I had fallen for you that day. And you didn't deserve the wreck I was. I am sorry." He reached for one of my hands and my skin tingled at the touch. "I am so sorry for the way I've been behaving. I am sorry for not telling you sooner." He stepped so close I could feel the heat coming off him. I couldn't breathe. One hand still held mine and the other pushed a strand of hair away from my face. "I am in love with you," he whispered and I could breathe again.
"Leonard..." I breathed.
"When I saw you there today, on the Observation deck... I didn't want to stay away from you anymore. I was going to tell you then, but..."
"We were interrupted."
He nodded. "Guess I wasn't meant to visit Earth now. I was meant to tell you how I felt."
"Are you going spiritual on me, Leonard McCoy?" I couldn't help myself, and grinned at him.
He smiled back, and it lit up the entire room. But instead of joking back, he kissed me. One hand reaching into my hair, the other hand letting go of my hand and landing on the small of my back, pushing me close.
It was our first kiss, but he felt so familiar. Tasted and smelled like home. But as much I wanted to keep kissing him forever, I pulled back. Hurt flashed in his eyes, but I smiled reassuringly. "I need to tell you," I said breathlessly. "I'm in love with you too."
Relief flashed over his face and his lips were on mine again. I grasped two handfuls of his uniform shirt and pulled him with me back towards the bed, our lips never parting, except for me to whisper: "Stay?"
"Yes."