I cast my Patronus quite often now. Since I couldn't be with Remus outside of class, I longed to see the bright werewolf form that, as far as I knew, represented him. But I only cast it when I was alone in the dorm or the bathroom. I tried different memories now too; I found that the memories of both kisses with Remus were very powerful, and almost any memory from when we had been alone together worked quite well too. I doubted anyone else in my year was as quick and efficient with the Patronus Charm as I was. Armed to my teeth with good energy I felt very safe when walking around the castle, feeling the effects of the Dementors outside.

We were done with the Transfiguration theory at lunch time. So we stepped out only to step right in again and eat. It was then that Headmaster Dumbledore stood up, silencing the entire student body.

"I have an announcement to make, and some bad news to deliver." The usual twinkle was gone from his eyes. "First, I believe the word about Professor Lupin's unfortunate condition has reached all of you by now." An agreeable murmur crossed the room. "It is true, Professor Lupin is a werewolf. Some of you will think I was irresponsible in hiring him, but I have known Professor Lupin since he himself was a student here, and I know that he would never put himself in any position to harm another living being. And I would never put my students at risk.

The N.E.W.Ts went okay, I think. I did my best, and I was very confident I had passed all of them. How well I had passed, remained to be seen. But I was pretty sure I did Outstanding in Defence Against the Dark Arts. I even got bonus points for managing to produce a corporeal Patronus. The examiner didn't react to the shape of the Patronus, so it was either more normal than I thought, or he thought it was a common wolf. The latter wasn't very reassuring, given that he judged in Defence.

Remus and I sat down in the grass behind the Shrieking Shack, with view over the train tracks, the forest and the hills. We were hidden from the view of anyone in Hogsmeade, were they to glance this way.

We sat close enough to each other so I could feel his aura around me, feel the warmth from him radiating towards me. And if I wanted to move my left leg just a quarter of an inch it would touch his. Our hands were right next to each other in the grass as we leant backwards. I closed my eyes and revelled in the burning sun and the feeling of Remus next to me.

The day with Remus had been nothing short of amazing. After dinner in the Three Broomsticks we had gone back out to the Shrieking Shack. There we talked a bit more, both lying in the grass, facing each other, leaning on our elbows. As twilight came there was a moment of silence when Remus looked at me, his eyes darting around my face. Then he kissed me again. It felt even better now, if that was possible. We were completely comfortable with each other now, and confident that we had strong feelings for each other.

After a nice and simple lunch, Remus and I had spent some time outside. Talking, kissing, and sharing more about both our childhoods and lives. Around midday he went inside to make us dinner. He dismissed all my offers to help so I wandered around the sitting room for a while, looking at the pictures and decorative items.

There were a lot of pictures of Remus as a child, smiling and waving excitedly at the camera, but as he came of school age they decreased in number. And there seemed to be no pictures of him after he was around fifteen.

I couldn't believe Remus was gone. I couldn't believe he didn't see that there was nothing I wanted more than to be with him, no matter what that involved. People could have their narrow-minded opinions, they didn't matter to me. They never had. I even pushed my best friend away because she couldn't swallow her own stupidity and be happy for me.

Defeated and devastated I sat down right there on the grass outside of the house. I wanted to scream and cry out my frustration and misery, but I refused to do so, swallowing the lump in my throat again and again and again. It wouldn't get him back, wouldn't make him understand.

"Remus," I said again, delighted that he was back, but also, for the first time, afraid of him. He looked positively furious. I had stayed behind to try and fix us, maybe I shouldn't have, because now he was clearly angry with me. I had never seen him angry like that before.

I had those thoughts and a million more rushing through me in a matter of seconds.

"Niamh," Remus then said, his voice scratchier than I had ever heard it. "You're still here."

Remus turned 38 today. He hadn't wanted much of a celebration, and it hadn't been, couldn't have been. There is a full on war going on outside the walls of his childhood home, our home. No one really feel like celebrating anything. There had been too much tragedy and there was a tension in the air no matter what kind of day it was.